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the tornado is the least of the damage [Mar. 14th, 2006|03:07 am]
cookie dough jenkins
[music |the hot snakes - 10th planet]

So basically the big thing is I guess is that Joel pretty much betrayed me, he's now seeing the girl I was interested in. He knew I liked her, he knew we had hooked up but he still went after her, whats also shitty is that he was seeing her friend/roommate before this happens.

As far as she (her name is Mandy) is concerned fuck her, glad nothing too serious happened to make it worse on me, I don't need to know anything else about her except that if she jumps from roommate to roommate all the while hurting her friend who was having some problems with Joel but still really liked him, well then fuck her she's apparently a soulless cunt.

Joel however to me is the worst, I've stuck my neck out for the guy so many times its not even funny. When people talked shit on him I defended him, When the cops shut down his birthday party last summer I accepted partial blame even though I didn't live at the house at the time. Whenever he likes a girl even if it is for 2 weeks until he gets bored and see's someone else I tell the girl that he likes that he's one of the greatest guys alive and that I hope things go well. Has he ever done this for me? No. Whenever the chips are down he just laughs and gives me crap. When I liked Mandy he didn't try and help things out, he tried to hook up her and my roommate Adam who can be a huge asshole to women. When Mandy dropped me (over a Myspace message nonetheless) did he try and set things right or offer any sympathy, no instead he gets drunk and makes out with her, hell he does it with her in front of the girl who did like him. I mean Jesus Christ I found out last Saturday at the Esoteric show that he wasn't even going to tell me about it. I don't even know what else to say right now. You know getting dropped by anyone who you used to like hurts a little bit for a while and usually after the years you get so numb that its no more than a minor inconvenience. Getting betrayed by your best friend hurts a hell of a lot worse.

What a fucking Judas.
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Hello [Mar. 9th, 2006|01:54 am]
cookie dough jenkins
I am Michael's deep deep repressed anger and witheld confrontation issues last Friday just pushed it out of me, I smile I nod like the puppet and punching bag I'm thought of as with some people.

You try and try to be a good person and look out for your friends and think they would do the same to you, well in truth most of these people only think about themselves so fuck all that noise.

The fuse is lit and the clock is ticking.....
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huh [Mar. 5th, 2006|09:31 pm]
cookie dough jenkins
[mood |rejectedrejected]
[music |agent orange - this is the voice]

I don't know how to feel or what to say, I haven't updated this in over a month. Not much is new I hate K mart already and have been looking around at other jobs that pay better, I'm not going to quit the money is decent but I am looking for something better until school starts for me in the summer or fall thats for damn sure.

Other than that I don't know if I should feel betrayed about something that happened to me is it his fault, her fault, do i care enough? I know I don't care about her but at the same time I wish I wasn't just brushed aside for someone who is like a brother to me. It fucked up, I'm not mad, or at least I don't feel mad, just a little hurt by both sides. I'm not going to do anything since people think that I overreact, but the truth is I'm almost always fucked over in some way like this.

Sorry if this sounds vague but I really don't want to go into detail about it now. Perhaps later.
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Charlie Brown [Jan. 26th, 2006|02:05 am]
cookie dough jenkins
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |Dismemberment Plan - Change]

For some reason as long as I have can remember living out here in the midwest with at least one group of friends I am the one who gets shit on the most at some point in time case in point being the roommates, no matter what I get constantly dumped on for no matter what I do, I could be at the top of my class on full ride scholarship with a six figure career being offered to me after school and I would still get crap. Even hanging out with my friends Mitch, Dave, and Chris for one point in High School 3 drop out losers who didn't really have any other friends I still got the shit end of the stick, after that the people I was always getting high with gave me shit and this is a group of people consisting of some of the finest quality dumbasses at the time in high school Barker might remember some of these people (Brady, Robbie Ryley, his even more white trash brother Andy at times, and hella others) when these people were content to sit around and talk about how bitchin Korn and Limp Bizkit were I would get crap for saying I like Rancid and Op Ivy, fuck its only till now that I've been comfortable saying that I really like New Order.

Fuck I'm all for everyone giving and getting a little shit every once and a while so long as it stays in somewhat good taste, but I get some pretty deep seated personal attacks on me a lot of the time for choices I've madeI don't know fuck it I think I'm just going to try and do as much of my own thing as possible after work and on the weekends for a while there's better things to do than for me to feel like even more crap after I'm just now starting to come out of a serious spell of depression that lasted the good part of 6 months in my life.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2006|09:07 pm]
cookie dough jenkins
so my first week at the job went well, the work isn't too bad and all my co-workers so far have been really cool.

for the most part things are looking up for me.

bout damn time.
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ahhhh work [Jan. 18th, 2006|12:12 am]
cookie dough jenkins
[mood |calma little annoyed and hungry]
[music |I'm watching Scrubs season one.]

So its been two days on the job now and things aren't so bad really, I end up walking around the floor doing about 6 to 7 miles a day which is nice, its good excercise until I can get my KU card thing taken care of and I can work out in the student gym again until I go back to school in the summer time. Basically the job entails me walking and throwing shit in a box crossing it off on a sheet and then grabbing another sheet once the last one is done, exciting yes I know but its paying the bills and it gives me time to think totally stress free, hell its almost like a zen thing. Arranging the box and crossing stuff off the list I think I have it down to a fine art now.

On another note you know whats great? coming home hungry and not having any money that is owed to you there, or the fact that I just traded being stressed out way too much to being pissed at people. Woot!
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do it. s'fun [Jan. 12th, 2006|07:42 pm]
cookie dough jenkins
TELL ME ABOUT YOU
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. best album of 2005:
RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:
PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
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Finally! [Jan. 12th, 2006|03:07 pm]
cookie dough jenkins
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Watching the Simpsons season 7]

Well everything with K-mart went well, I will be working from 2 in the afternoon until 10 in the evening Monday through Friday, its 10.75 starting out and it looks like it will be an alright place to work. My orientation starts tomorrow from 8 until 3 or 4 which is cool except that because of this I can't go out and get crazy drunk tonight for the party. At this point its not an issue the job means more to me and it would be good to just kind of sit back and make sure that shit doesn't get out of hand.

With any luck all my finacial problems will be over with after a few months, especially if I get a bunch of over time. Which is nice since the bill collectors are calling and sending me mail *shudders* that and after talking to one of the guys in my dorm today it turns out that if you just whine and beg they will usually let you back in and give you another shot, I really wish I would have thought of this a long time ago, its taking a shot in the mouth while being bent over but with any luck I can use this to enroll for summer classes without having to drive to UMKC or JCCC to take classes.

By god things are looking up.
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In the new year [Jan. 7th, 2006|11:19 am]
cookie dough jenkins
[mood |apatheticapathetic]
[music |Metric - Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?]

I had one of the best dreams ever last night, it started out at a friends house with some of us just sitting around getting high and then after that I flew (think superman fly) to a Billy Joel concert where a bunch of my friends were there and it was freaking awesome. I like Billy Joel alright but for some reason in my dream it was like the best thing ever.

Now I'm awake as I have been for the past 3 hours and I've done little to nothing productive unless you count playing text twist on yahoo productive. The K-Mart center hasn't called me back yet, I'm hoping they do it on Monday before my phone is shut off for not paying my phone bill which I have 2 dollars to my name at the moment. Its a new year and things aren't looking better at the moment. My car needs maintence, I need to pay rent for 2 months, I still have no idea what I'm going to do with school.

That and I just feel sort of a void right now, I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up and I have no reason to try, I've stopped looking for female companionship, I'm pretty convinced that there just isn't anyone in Lawrence and probably KC for me and if I was to find someone right now I would just push them away and ruin things. So yeah basically the Julie thing didn't work out at all, I stopped even trying to hang out I haven't talked to her in a month haven't really tried and I erased her number, nothing against her shes a cool person but also in a different league.

Crap sorry if you get bummed while reading this. Oh well at least the Final fight show was good.
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2006 [Jan. 2nd, 2006|01:37 am]
cookie dough jenkins
Well I hope everyone had a fun and safe new years, mine was good times with the exception that I slept all day and I now feel like crap either due to the fact that I partied a wee bit too hard or because I'm sick. (Or both)

On the upside of things the K-Mart distribtution center in Lawrence called me to ask if I still wanted a job with them, and only after 2 months of waiting! Well at least its not far from my house and it pays 10.25 an hour and pays weekly. I go in for my interview this Wednesday and I was told that are looking for people for all shifts which is great since the one I want is from 2 in the afternoon until 10 at night.

Right now I'm just hanging out at my mom's house hanging out which is a bit weird, since there is nothing going on and its super quiet but having the time to reflect on things has been nice. I'm still debating if I want to just head out to Lawrence and go home since I can't sleep or try and hang out here for a while take a shower and just relax.

Ok well I'm out I hope everyone is still doing well.
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